wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
