think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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