there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
