I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
