and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
handjob tips. give me some.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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