i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
