i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
bring money and cleavage
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
