we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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