you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This toilet bowl is my home.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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