wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
