my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
should my penis look like a turkey
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
