woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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