paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
