I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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