waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
