she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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