Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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