I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
