i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
