Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
