All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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