dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
