Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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