some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
