she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
