Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
