We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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