I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
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I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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