My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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