Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
