oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
