3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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