I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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