the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
