so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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