Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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