shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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