I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
