no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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