Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were trust falling into bushes
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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