well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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