Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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