oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You are the jesus of drinking
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
