so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
