Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just googled if crying burns calories
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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