I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I need moral support for this bender
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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