break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
