Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
