i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.