He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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