ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
