Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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