Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.