i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
