doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
