I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
