I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
please don't ironically join a cult
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