Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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