my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You smell like stripper and shame
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize