Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
