Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
