woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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