dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
