I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
