Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Did I show you my penis last night?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
