please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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