Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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