Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
