so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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