I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dignity is for republicans.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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