she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
