If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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