party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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