There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
