I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
