If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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